Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
