I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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