I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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