so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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