The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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