Where is the hickey?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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