you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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