this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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