Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
