You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize