Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
