I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
