remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
