someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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