I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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