There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Mom said you looked used
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
