I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm passing your future prison.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
