Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
