i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
