Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
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