As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My vagina just recognized that song.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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