WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
