im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
