Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
