you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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