He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
