He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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