you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
this hospital has no fireball
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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