I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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