Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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