areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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