Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
