So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
