I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
