I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
