I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I need a burrito and a hug.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
