Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Apparently you make a good broom.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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