lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
