He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
