Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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