I think im going to throw up on grandma
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
