You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
