Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
