Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm at about main and main street
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
