I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
