dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
