onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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