sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
