I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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