She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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