She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
