somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
