Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize