just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
