I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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