I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
