I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
