I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
