...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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