I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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