You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize