end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
