Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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