This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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