she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
