Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think I sprained my soul last night
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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