So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
