ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
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