Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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