The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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