make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
