i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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