I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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