that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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