just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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