FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
