her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
