Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize