I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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