Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
