ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
