I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
