it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
