I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize