what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
