I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
