I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
