I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
