I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
