I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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