You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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