I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So squirting runs in the family.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
whose ass print is on the piano?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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