Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
