got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
