I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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