I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up under a house in Key West
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
