What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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