I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
