Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
