do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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