I'm really into asian looking animals
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
