Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
