the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
