yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
