It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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