I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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