i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
