Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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