Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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