I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
