totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize