Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
