okay pat passed out under dana's car
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
