Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i wish my penis had a tongue
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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