Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
