I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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