your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
please come you make the beer taste better
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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