Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
